[00:00:08] You know, people say they pick their noses. I feel like I was born with mine. Welcome to Relationships. We are so glad you're here. We thought we would change things up a bit. You know, that reminds me of the Seinfeld episode. Oh yeah, where they were picking their nose. It's not a pig. No, it's not a pig. It's scratch. And he pulled up to the car. Yeah. It's not a pig. It's not a pig. Yeah. I love it.
[00:00:38] But hey, if you're tuning in, thank you for being here. I'm Larry Little. And I'm Melissa Jackson. And you're listening to Relationships. And guess what? They heard the new music today. How about that? I love it. And you guys have to know the secret behind that. That somebody very talented, they're headed to Nashville next, made that song, wrote it, and our very own Larry Little did that. We had a little help from our AI friends and our studio and all the things. But it was fun.
[00:01:07] And I'm like, you know, I just enjoy doing that. Well, you're very good at it. You're just multi-talented. And you're very good at what we're going to talk about today. So in our conversation today, we're going to be talking about playing humor, using playfulness in our relationships. I love it. And how does that help us connect? Because it's the little shifts, the little shifts that make a big difference in our relationships. Humor is so important in connecting, I think, when everybody joins in and when it's appropriate.
[00:01:37] And there are some things you're going to talk about and we're going to talk about today about how to have humor in your home. And you can do it. How to have humor in your relationships, even if your personality isn't bent toward that. Everybody appreciates different kinds of humor. We'll talk about that even a little bit. And maybe, I don't know, we're just kind of brainstorming, but even personalities, I think, are driven to different types of humor. So we'll talk a little bit about that in this fun podcast on humor. And another one just to kick us off.
[00:02:05] So an invisible man marries an invisible woman. Yeah, their kids were nothing to look at either. I love it. That's a good one. I got her on that one. That was good. So you're saying in personalities that the parents are not the only ones that can have humor. That different personalities can enjoy humor. It can be different, but they can also enjoy playfulness.
[00:02:33] I think that's important for everybody to hear. It really is. Each personality can experience playfulness. Yeah, and remember, playfulness looks different for different people. Tell us about that. Well, the parrot loves to play. They have a natural affinity for humor. They love it. They can, but their humor, and they want to include people, but they're good storytellers because they're verbal. So their humor can be spontaneous. It can be in the moment.
[00:03:00] They can come up with quick things to say that are kind of funny and that kind of thing. Camels, on the other hand, they may like more intentional humor. Like watching funny movies, watching sitcoms, watching things that make them kind of— I thought you were going to say paint dry. Watching paint dry. I thought you were going to say that. Send all emails to Melissa Jackson. No, I was going to say, stop. Brakes. Put the brakes on. No. No.
[00:03:25] They may like the humor that's slapstick, or they may like humor that's just right out there. Because they think in their minds, okay, this is supposed to be funny, so they get their minds ready, and they plan it, and then it's funny. So it's just different from the parrot who's just in the moment, right? And, you know, the lions find humor. They can find humor that's very direct, very straight on, very upfront, very kind of aggressive humor, for lack of a better word. That's just—there's no doubt this is supposed to be funny. And they can laugh.
[00:03:54] They can—as long as they know there's a purpose, they're going to go in with the purpose of, this is going to be funny, and I'm going to say, maybe they're not so great at, in the moment, spontaneous humor, but, boy, they're all over. If this is—for instance, for instance, if you're going to a comedian, you know, a comedic show, and lions know that, they're all in. If camels plan for that ahead of time— Focus. Focus, we're going in here to laugh. Everybody laughs, you know, that kind of thing.
[00:04:18] And then, you know, our turtles really get jokes that take a little time to process. They get jokes that kind of come around and hit you from the backside. They get jokes. They love that. They love kind of those jokes that are—or maybe you have to think about for a minute. A little calculated. Kind of go, oh, yeah, okay, I get it. Yeah, yeah, they like that. So, you know, everybody likes to have a humor, but in a different way. They like to play in a different way.
[00:04:46] You know, I think it's important to remember that, and it's important for us to understand that so that we can make decisions to be playful, to be playful in our relationship. Here's a stat. I'm talking about shared laughter. So when, you know, two people are laughing, finding humor in the same thing.
[00:05:33] In the conflict, you may say, you know, this is getting ridiculous, and you can laugh together. Also, though, I think those—and we'll talk about the neuroscience behind it. I think when you have that kind of connection in a relationship where you have laughed together, it gives you the ability to walk through hard things together. So here's a story, a funny story with my mother-in-law and my husband.
[00:05:53] My husband has told me that when he was growing up, and he is a camel, when he was growing up, his mom is a parrot camel, that she would try to be, you know, lecturing, or there was a conflictual situation. Right. And he, I'm sure, was a little stoic, a little camel, and she could not contain herself, and her face would start moving. And so, like, she would start laughing.
[00:06:21] And then, you know, the situation would be more lighthearted, and then the parenting took place. So, you know, just playfulness. It can change. It can shift things, can't it? It can shift things. And, you know, telling those stories teaches our children how to laugh. And I think storytelling is so important, like you just did. And, you know, telling stories about our past, telling stories that are humorous. So, you know, and I'll jump in with you.
[00:06:47] I was a child, a young teenager, I guess, maybe 12, 13-ish. I had a friend, and we were—we kind of grew up out in the country. And so I spent a lot of time out in the country, and we used to explore. And we loved to explore. He lived on—out in rural area. And there was this creek. So we loved to go down the creek and go swimming. Just, you know, country guys, that's what we do.
[00:07:12] And we were on our way to the creek one day, and we, you know, we saw something moving down by the creek. And young boys, we wanted to know what it was. It looked like it was kind of moving. And it was brown. And I thought, well, is that a baby cow? What is that? No, no. We got closer. It was a huge skunk. It was a skunk. So we go—you know, we go. We try to pick it up. We try to—you know, of course, we couldn't. We didn't catch it, but we caught really close. And he got on one side.
[00:07:41] I got on the other side of the skunk. And we played around with the skunk. And then we went ahead and went swimming and, you know, just had the best time. And then we were walking home. And we were walking up to their house. And his sister comes out of the house, gets about—I don't know, I mean like maybe 20 feet even from us. And she starts screaming. Ah! Y'all have been sprayed by a skunk. And she ran back in her house. They made us go to the barn, strip down, run into the house.
[00:08:10] They ended up burning our clothes because we had been saturated by that. That is hilarious. True story. Oh, my goodness. I just—it couldn't—goodness. I could see it. I could see it. And you couldn't—you couldn't smell it. No, we couldn't smell it because we were in it. I mean, we just—for some reason, we didn't—yeah, we didn't smell it. So let's talk about what goes on chemically in the brain when there's playfulness, when there's humor.
[00:08:37] Let's talk about, you know, what happens with that dopamine, with the chemicals, the serotonin that, you know, produces. It does something different. Yeah, that's—you know, our brain is wired. So to speak with neurotransmitters. And there's a connectivity so that when one chemical in the brain, the neurotransmitters emit that chemical, it has a chain reaction. So the dopamine has a chain reaction to the serotonin, has a chain reaction to the norepinephrine.
[00:09:04] So what that means is the dopamine is the chemical that gives us our emotion, that gives us our peace, our anxiety, either one. I mean, it gives us that kind of feeling. But the positive part of dopamine is when we connect with humor, it releases that dopamine, which then kicks into the serotonin, which helps us to be calm and enjoy the moment and that kind of thing.
[00:09:30] So the brain chemistry studies have shown actually changes in times of humor. Which—what does that mean? Why is that important? Because it gives us the ability then to connect. It gives us the ability then not to be so stressed out or so—you know, even so passive. It literally connects us to others. So powerful, powerful thing. Humor is very important. You know, it helps us regulate our emotions, too. It does. We can kind of pull things in or we can kind of come out of our shell a little bit.
[00:10:00] It does. And so, you know, chemically, it is important that we're mindful to play because we all know that, you know, looking at social media, a phone, being on a phone, that produces dopamine. That produces things. And so we need to be mindful we can replace some of that this summer as we think about how do we use our time? How can we, you know, pull in and our relationships and do the little shifts to help us? So here's a couple of things.
[00:10:29] When we look at the impact of playfulness and what it really does, it can shift our minds. Yep. So, you know, we can be in a place where maybe we're down or we're hyper-focused on something and we just talked about it can be stressful. But humor can really be something that interjects us where we are and really helps us shift our mind into a different place, a different zone.
[00:10:59] Yeah, there's no doubt humor is very important and very powerful if it's done correctly. You know, all of us have to be aware. Every personality type has to be aware of using humor appropriately. So let's talk just a minute about some inappropriateness. What would be, you know, because it can be damaging. So what would be some damaging type of humor?
[00:11:20] Well, when we use sarcasm, when I use that to somebody define that as the ripping of flesh, that's not helpful humor. In other words, people laughing at someone and that person's not a part of that, it can have the opposite effect, right? It can really damage self-esteem. It can hurt relationships. You know, just a lot of bad stuff.
[00:11:45] So make sure that, you know, you're not pointing that humor toward someone in a negative way. I think that's really important. And also, don't assume that everybody laughs at what you laugh at. I mean, you know, in our house, we had a thing when our kids were growing up. My daughter's this parrot turtle. My son's this turtle lion. So we would sit around the dinner table and we would tell jokes. We loved to laugh. We loved to just tell those jokes and experience it.
[00:12:11] But we looked over there at Mom and the camel was just kind of going, hmm, I don't get it. And so we began a ritual of we would tell a joke and then we would explain it to Mom. And then Mom could find some humor in it and she could laugh. Oh, that's funny. You know, so it's just about pulling everybody in, getting to where, but not excluding someone. But understanding that, you know, the type of humor and the type of humor that I enjoy may not be the type that you enjoy. That's a great point. And honoring that.
[00:12:40] Because you don't want to use humor when somebody's being vulnerable. That's not the appropriate time. That's right. If you feel uncomfortable with their vulnerability and you begin to have humor, that's only going to fuel that disconnect. That's right. So there are appropriate times, obviously, and there are times that it's appropriate not to use humor. That's right. But it connects. It does. When we're doing it the right way, it connects people. You know, another piece of how it helps, you know, it just brings some levity to situations.
[00:13:09] Sometimes we just get so intense or, you know, going down a path where we're tasking or we're just trying to make our point. And, you know, it can bring levity. It can really create. Much needed. A deep breath, you know, just a reframe. And it helps put it in perspective, doesn't it? It does. It brings perspective, I think, as well to a situation.
[00:13:33] Sometimes we can get spinning and so kind of there's a little humor placed in the right way can help put it back in perspective. Yeah. So let's talk about how can you really use humor? You know, what can you do? How can you make this shift? If you are aware that you need some playfulness in your relationships, you need some, you know, just some of that ability to connect this way. So let's talk about how can you shift your mode? How can you shift your mode?
[00:14:01] If you're aware that this is needed, what are some things that you can do? Well, it's not going to happen if you don't talk about it. So, you know, I think the first thing in a relationship is to say, you know, hey, we need some humor. Can we both work on just bringing some humor to our relationship? Or in a home, hey, we need some laughter in this home. What can we do? What makes you laugh? So first it's got to be about finding out what makes that other person in the relationship laugh. So what kind of, is it going to a slapstick comedy?
[00:14:30] Is it going to a show? Is it telling jokes? Is it playing board games? Is it, you know, silly, is it question asking silly questions? Find out. But the first thing is to communicate that we need to do that. The second thing is to develop a plan. Humor does not have to be spontaneous. There's this myth going, you know, in your head. Unless it just happens and spontaneously it can't be funny. No. Humor can be planned. So make a plan in your relationship. Here's what we're going to do to bring humor.
[00:14:59] Here's what we're going to do to lighten things up a little bit. What does that mean to you? What does that mean to me? And then go do it. And realize if it's not funny, if it doesn't work, it's okay. Try again. Just do it again. Believe this or not, to the audience, sometimes my jokes just don't land with Melissa. I don't understand. I don't know. I don't get that. But you keep trying. I keep trying. That's a great point. You get up, you go again, you try again. I'm saving a special one for you at the end of this podcast. Well, it's time. Oh, it is. I think it's time. Let's hear it. All right.
[00:15:28] Well, as we wrap up, let's talk just for a minute about what's going on in August. Yeah, let's do that. So we want you guys to be aware that we have something special going on that we'd love for you to be a part of. And it is about relationships. And it's how to have effective relationships in this digital age. Don't we all need that? We need to be able to be aware of how do we get past this phone, the computer, what do we do to have effective relationships?
[00:15:57] So you can go to Eagle Center for Leadership dot com backslash events and find out more about this. One of our directors and very own facilitators will be leading this conference. He's going to bring some insight to us, challenge us. We really want you to be a part of this. It is August the 20th from 8 to 930 a.m. Yep. And Melissa is going to be there. I'm going to be there signing a few books and would love for you to come and get a book as well. Right.
[00:16:26] And here, Marcos, he is amazing. He is so good. And we're excited that he's really leading us in something that is so relevant in relationships and the digital age. It's such an issue. And he's been studying this and working on this and leading this type of conference. So I'm really excited about the opportunity now that we can open this up to all of our listeners and open it up to our community so they could be a part of it.
[00:16:51] Now, as you all love and clamor for, we're going to end today's pod with the dad joke. And it's perfect because we've been talking about humor. Well, I appreciate you preparing me so I can get in the mood and be ready. Let's remember that we said jokes have to be funny, not always maybe politically correct. So this might not be one that could not be. It could. I don't know. I'm just going to say it. Are you ready?
[00:17:18] And that in and of itself is preparation for this. Robbie's shaking your head again. Okay. Our producer. My stomach is just a little. Here we go. All right. Ready? What does an angry pepper do? What does an angry pepper do? What? It gets a Latino your face. Okay. Did you like it? I had the whole thing going there. The whole, I mean, you know, everything. You know, Robin's daughter did some jokes.
[00:17:48] Maybe a session ago. Let's bring her back. I love it. Bring her back. Hey, guys, thank you so much for listening today. We appreciate you having a little fun with us and laughing. We thank you for making that relationship. That'll make a big difference in your relationships. Little shifts that make a big difference. Re-ocean shifts. Little shifts that make a big difference. Thanks for tuning into the Relationships Podcast with Dr. Larry Little and Melissa Jackson.
[00:18:17] We want to invite you to a special event coming August 20th in Huntsville, Alabama. An Eagle-hosted event, Effective Relationships in a Digital Age, presented by Eagle's Director of Leadership Development, Marco Salmante Perez. Attendees will receive a free copy of the 25-year anniversary edition of the Make a Difference book. And our Relationships Podcast host, Dr. Larry Little, founder and CEO of Eagle Consulting, will be there to meet you and sign your copy.
[00:18:45] Visit EagleCenterForLeadership.com slash events to learn more and register. We'd love to see you there. Have a question about personalities or relationships? At the start of each episode, we'll be answering listener questions. Send yours in using the link in the show notes. Stay connected with us at EagleCenterForLeadership.com and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for more insights and updates.
[00:19:10] Don't forget to subscribe to the Relationships Podcast so you never miss an episode. And if today's conversation brought you value, leave us a review. You can also catch full episodes on YouTube via the Eagle Center for Leadership channel. Until next time, keep choosing the little shifts that make a big difference.